don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
