On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
