I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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