so explain again why im purple
no
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
