I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
