sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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