it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
