cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
