we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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