His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
