very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
