good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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