I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Randomize
