Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
