Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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