if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
