the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
