dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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