Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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