well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
