I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize