Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
