Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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