I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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