Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
