I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
