If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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