Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have fence marks all over my body
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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