she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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