I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
