wrigley field is MILF paradise
there's paper in my vomit.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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