ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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