the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
