Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
God, I missed his penis.
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