wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
