Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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