I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We are all done wearing pants today
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize