we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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