i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
