I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
