Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize