I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
