hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
