And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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