you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
