nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize