In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize