There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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