woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
