So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
