At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
