My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
