Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
