before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize