If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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