I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
