it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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