We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
