I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
