it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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