We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
