so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
