Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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