highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
