I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
