whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
